ANTM Premiere - The Top 10 Moments

ANTM Premiere - The Top 10 Moments

We can all breathe a sigh of relief because America’s Next Top Model is BACK.

ANTM was never going to work without Tyra. Tyra and ANTM exist in a symbiotic relationship, and both would die without the other. I'm just glad that after a letter-writing campaign, phone drive, pages upon pages of submitted erotic fan fiction, and numerous Edible Arrangements, producers have finally given me what I want: Tyra back in charge of the show she created. LET'S DO THIS.

Here are my top moments from the premiere!

10) ANTM is back.

This was spoiled right in the title, but ANTM is back and I, for one, feel like it never left. 

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9)  Leave them wanting more

This ep was only an hour long, but I could have really done with two, and I NEVER request longer reality show episodes (believe me, read my Bachelor recaps).

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8) We still have virgins!

Virgins still exist in America, apparently, and one of them is on our very own cycle! I’m really only bringing this up so I can quote Fabio during his appearance on ANTM in Cycle 7.

After Brooke told him she was a virgin, he feigned surprise and said "My god, there’s still a virgin in Texas?” What he was talking about, I have no idea. That line still confuses me and makes me laugh all these years later.


7) The currency on ANTM is still tragic backstories

It really helps to set yourself apart during casting, and one of the most reliable methods is to have something tragic in your past to reveal at just the right moment. In terms of advantages, it’s right up there with having a pretty face. 

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6) Liz can barely contain her emotions

This wasn’t such a big part of tonight's ep, but you KNOW it’s a portent of things to come.


5) Tyra smashes the age limit

Tyra was NOT kidding when she said she was doing away with the age limit. I was pretty shocked to see a 34 year old waltz into casting, but my jaw really hit the floor with the arrival of a 42 (!!!!) year old woman, who later revealed that she has FIVE kids and THREE grandchildren!!!! I about passed out.


4) The girls know how to count

This show is all about crushing stereotypes, and the models prove it when they demonstrate their impressive math skills. In this case, they jointly solve the following equation:

Number of Models - Number of Beds = People are getting cut soon

It was like watching Good Will Hunting all over again.


3) ANTM gets political

I can’t recall this show ever being explicitly political (even the photoshoot from Cycle 8 where all the girls portrayed “controversial” topics had both sides represented and no stance taken). But here we are in the very first episode and one of the girls (named Liberty, of course) is declaring her support for Trump. It...doesn’t go over great!

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2) Tyra toys with the emotions of a grandmother

After smashing the aforementioned age limit, Tyra then proceeds to dance upon one of its beneficiaries. Erin, the 42 year old grandma who still has it going on, thinks that she has been eliminated. They let her pack her suitcase, wheel it to the door, and say goodbye to Tyra before they reveal...PSYCH! She's staying! 

Because she is 42, Erin had the maturity to handle this switcharoo calmly.

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1) And finally.....Tyra is back

I'll say it again: ANTM is Tyra.

(Nothing but respect for ANTM's president)

(Nothing but respect for ANTM's president)

Next week’s ep looks BONKERS, btw. After 23 cycles, this show still manages to surprise me.

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Check back next week for my interview with the eliminated model! 

For more ANTM coverage on The Scold, check out my list of The Best Cycles of All Time and The Best Judges of All Time.

*Photos courtesy of VH1

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