I Nominated My Boyfriend for The Bachelorette
This is my boyfriend. He likes cats, RuPaul’s Drag Race, and tall ship sailing. He’s basically the perfect man.
In my quest to write over a million words about The Bachelor, he’s graciously come along for the ride. At the end of every episode, when the narrator directs you to the website where you can sign up to be one of the suitors on next season’s Bachelorette, I elbow him and say “YOU should apply!”
But not as himself, obviously. His kind nature and complete sentences would instantly out him as an anomaly in The Bachelorette universe. So I needed to create a persona to hang on him like a rented suit. One that would get him far and allow him to play a character quite unlike himself.
I'd cast him as the ULTIMATE BACHELOR VILLAIN of course. I’m envisioning him as his season’s Chad, but with less self awareness. His name shall be Trent, because I googled “biggest douchebag dude names” and the website I visited had the #2 name as Trent. The #1 name, and I’m not lying, was Chad.
So in that spirit, I’ve taken the liberty of submitting him without his knowledge or permission.
THIS is TRENT:
I’m nominating him as his best bro, Todd. We were in a frat together at state and he stood by me during some really tough sexual assault allegations.
Let’s see what happens! Below is his application:
See you at the rose ceremony, Trent!
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